Why I Won’t Move In With My Boyfriend

Why I

 

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These days there is a lot of pressure to legitimize your relationship by taking the next big step: moving in.

I was absolutely caught up in this hype. I was under the misguided impression that a relationship isn’t serious, or going somewhere if you hadn’t moved in with each other, or talked of doing so.

Just to clear the air, I have never lived with any of my boyfriends. And now I don’t think I ever will. Every person should do what is right for them. I don’t think that couples who live together before marriage are doing anything wrong. That is definitely a decision that should be made based on the couple, the strength of their relationship, and their beliefs. I personally don’t feel the need to live with my boyfriend before being married to him.

I’m writing this post to share my experience every time I have this conversation with friends.

PHASE 1: CONFUSION

Me: Yea, no I don’t plan on moving in with him before we’re married.

Friends:

shocked

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Yes, I am in fact okay. I’m great actually. No, we’re not breaking up. Yes, I do love him. Yes, he does love me. Again no, we’re not breaking up.

 

PHASE 2: ADVICE

advice

Friends: You learn so much about a person when you live with them, and it’s good to know about those things before you get married. -Says the girl whose live-in boyfriend has cheated on her…twice.

Living together is not the only way to intimately know your significant other. I think you should actually be concerned if you believe that’s the only way to do so. Knowing each other well depends on the way you interact with one another.

Is it meaningful? Or do you only stare at a screen when you’re around each other? Do you talk about the future of your relationship? Your beliefs? Likes and dislikes? Meaningful interaction is the way to get to know someone well.

Obviously spending 24/7 with a person is also a great way to learn about a person. But it is definitely not the only way.

Additionally, if irregular digestive issues, or aggressive hair shedding is reason to consider breaking up, then your marriage wouldn’t have lasted anyways.

 

PHASE 3: ECONOMICS LESSON

budget

Friends: But you’re paying so much in rent!

Firstly, my rent is crazy low. I would be paying this amount in rent even if I had roommates. Also, if you’re only concern is how much you’re paying in rent, get a roommate.

Secondly, saving money is not a good reason to move in with your boyfriend. I understand that it’s definitely a bonus. But it shouldn’t be a primary reason.

~~~

Look you guys, this is a decision that I’m making for myself. It’s fine if people don’t agree with it. But it’s important to note that not everyone has to live with their significant other just because it’s a popular thing to do. Many marriages have lasted way before living together prior to marriage became a thing. In fact, not so long ago it was considered taboo.

The point is that we shouldn’t be so quick to judge relationships based on the popular milestones they may or may not have achieved. Every relationship is beautifully unique. And you shouldn’t feel pressured to move at someone else’s pace. Embrace your feelings and your decisions.

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Why I Won’t Move In With My Boyfriend

  1. Johanna Rosberg says:

    This is great! I’m totally routing for you. The worst thing I ever did was to get engaged even though I didn’t feel ready for it – I was young and I only said yes beacuse I thought it was supposed to be the next step you have to take. (Need I say that the engagement didn’t last for very long?)
    I learned you don’t have to do anything you don’t want – especially when it comes to relationships.
    I’m crazy happy now, though, with my life partner. We live together as well since two years, and all people ever ask is “When are you getting married?”. My answer: at some stage, when _we_ want to.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tamelisa says:

      I am so happy you’re happy now! It’s so important to do everything in your own time. If you succumb to societal pressures by jumping into something you’re not ready for just because it’s the normal next step that everyone else is taking, you will definitely be unhappy!!
      Good luck to you and your partner!!

      Like

  2. oksanaweir says:

    My college town had a rep for couples moving in together after only a year – most of them broke up within a month and had to find new leases which is impossible to do. Couldn’t agree more that this is a personal decisions, there is way too much pressure to move in together these days.

    Like

  3. silencekilledthedinosaurs says:

    Yep. It’s definitely one of those things that you have to make up your own mind on. And moving in together (or marriage) is such a big step in a relationship that it has to be something that feels right and comfortable rather than being something you are pressured to do.

    Like

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