These days there is a lot of pressure to legitimize your relationship by taking the next big step: moving in.
I was absolutely caught up in this hype. I was under the misguided impression that a relationship isn’t serious, or going somewhere if you hadn’t moved in with each other, or talked of doing so.
Just to clear the air, I have never lived with any of my boyfriends. And now I don’t think I ever will. Every person should do what is right for them. I don’t think that couples who live together before marriage are doing anything wrong. That is definitely a decision that should be made based on the couple, the strength of their relationship, and their beliefs. I personally don’t feel the need to live with my boyfriend before being married to him.
I’m writing this post to share my experience every time I have this conversation with friends.
PHASE 1: CONFUSION
Me: Yea, no I don’t plan on moving in with him before we’re married.
Yes, I am in fact okay. I’m great actually. No, we’re not breaking up. Yes, I do love him. Yes, he does love me. Again no, we’re not breaking up.
PHASE 2: ADVICE
Friends: You learn so much about a person when you live with them, and it’s good to know about those things before you get married. -Says the girl whose live-in boyfriend has cheated on her…twice.
Living together is not the only way to intimately know your significant other. I think you should actually be concerned if you believe that’s the only way to do so. Knowing each other well depends on the way you interact with one another.
Is it meaningful? Or do you only stare at a screen when you’re around each other? Do you talk about the future of your relationship? Your beliefs? Likes and dislikes? Meaningful interaction is the way to get to know someone well.
Obviously spending 24/7 with a person is also a great way to learn about a person. But it is definitely not the only way.
Additionally, if irregular digestive issues, or aggressive hair shedding is reason to consider breaking up, then your marriage wouldn’t have lasted anyways.
PHASE 3: ECONOMICS LESSON
Friends: But you’re paying so much in rent!
Firstly, my rent is crazy low. I would be paying this amount in rent even if I had roommates. Also, if you’re only concern is how much you’re paying in rent, get a roommate.
Secondly, saving money is not a good reason to move in with your boyfriend. I understand that it’s definitely a bonus. But it shouldn’t be a primary reason.
Look you guys, this is a decision that I’m making for myself. It’s fine if people don’t agree with it. But it’s important to note that not everyone has to live with their significant other just because it’s a popular thing to do. Many marriages have lasted way before living together prior to marriage became a thing. In fact, not so long ago it was considered taboo.
The point is that we shouldn’t be so quick to judge relationships based on the popular milestones they may or may not have achieved. Every relationship is beautifully unique. And you shouldn’t feel pressured to move at someone else’s pace. Embrace your feelings and your decisions.